Things that I'm excited about

So it's a new year and that brings with it all sorts of new possibilities. Being a mom is, by far, the best thing I've ever done but I have a confession to make. Growing up, I've always worked with and taken care of children. I've always babysat, during my days in church I was always working in the Junior Church, I used to work at an autism center.. it's just something I've always loved doing. However, during my years in child care, I had VERY limited experience in caring for newborns. I was always watching kids who were at least a year and a half old. When Jonas was a newborn, I was terrified. I spent every second of every day doubting myself and wondering when this was going to start to feel like it's something I can do. Well, now is that time. He's a toddler now and this age is what I know. Granted, I had no idea what to expect in raising my OWN toddler but that's another blog entirely. He is 22 months old today and this age is so much fun! We can do so many things with him that we couldn't do when he was a baby. Pretty much every holiday is exciting now. I'm actually looking forward to Valentine's Day (a holiday that I normally loathe) this year because I can do all sorts of fun things with my little guy. This year he'll get his first Easter basket. It seemed a little silly to get him an easter basket last year because he couldn't eat the candy and he had no idea what the point was. Which is not to say that this year he'll get it but I think this year he'll be alot more excited, at least for the candy anyway. It's an age full of possibilities and I'm re-learning everything through his eyes. Pretty much everything we do with him is fun because he's just so un-tarnished (did I just make up a word?). He isn't jaded yet, he's still able to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. The excitement of finding a leaf in the grass or checking out the clouds is not lost on him and I love that about him. I can't help but think about the fact that a day will come when he won't enjoy these things anymore but for now, I'm savoring these little moments. We're taking him to the Aquarium on Sunday to see the dolphin show and I think I'm more excited than he is. The definition of fun has changed for me. I've never wanted to be one of those women who lost my identity when I had a family but I can sincerely say that when he's having fun, that's the best kind of fun for me. When he's discovering something new and genuinely enjoying himself, there is no greater joy for me. I think mainly, this is so exciting for me because I missed out on so much of this stuff in my own childhood. We didn't really get birthday parties growing up, I don't have fond memories of Christmas or most holidays for that matter. There was always so much strife and tension and anger in my family, those are the things I remember - all the hurt. The bad far outweighs the good unfortunately. I haven't had a chance to do anything about it though until now. I have a chance to give my little boy the awesome memories that I always wish I had. Now I can have them with him and that means more to me than anything else. I want him to grow up and know without a doubt that to Topher and I, every day with him is special. I want him to understand why we celebrate certain days and why certain things are important. I want him to have a very solid sense of joy in his life. It's almost like I'm re-living my childhood through him. I can do for him what my parents never did for me and that (almost) takes all the pain away. The moment I laid eyes on this little person, I knew right then that he deserved the best in life and we're working on giving him just that. We can't give him all the most expensive toys or vacations but we certainly can give him the things that matter in life.

So if you're reading this, take a moment to kiss your kids on the head and remember all of the things in life that you want for them. It's never too late.